after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
