I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize