I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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