No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
