Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
