You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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