you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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