yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
