Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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