I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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