Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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