so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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