her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize