oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
