During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
