We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize