I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
