between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
