i need an iv and a liver transplant
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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