great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
