I want to make a zoo with you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize