you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
