Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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