I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
