i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
