I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
