Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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