I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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