We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
