why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
