the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
