you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He? As in you personified your dick?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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