"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
