billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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