every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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