I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
