Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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