I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
