If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
