I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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