Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
