Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
