Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize