So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Even my vagina gasped.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
