I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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