Only a mothe r could love this liver
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize