high people should be assigned attendants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
