i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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