Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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