i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize