So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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