i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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