Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize