quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
