Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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