Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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