Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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