this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
