i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize