OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
