Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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