Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
