Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
