he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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