hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize