Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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