Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
