One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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