hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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