I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
