I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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