Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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