The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
