i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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