I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're a waste of cheezeits
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
