Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
