The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize