If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
