she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
