we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
