I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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