i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
