Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
