I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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