I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
