New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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