i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
