Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
