She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
