Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
