I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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