At least make sure they are 18
Why
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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