nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
