Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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