She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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