hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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