I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
