you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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