do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
