We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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