You're so nebulous sometimes
Where did you get a picture of my penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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