at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
