so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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