Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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