I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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