I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
40s are totally the cure
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
