sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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