so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize