i just had sex bonerless
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize