Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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