he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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