Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
