your thong is hanging out like whoa
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
