Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
