I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize