Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
