He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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