dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
