actually, I'm a sock model
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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