I should be sponsored by Trojan
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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